To my Parents

Perhaps it is roughly
Saying what God alone could perfectly show –
How selfhood begins with a walking away,
And love is proved in the letting go.

– C Day Lewis

I am sorry that I’m not what you want me to be.

I am sorry that I will never try,

because, you see,

to start with, I don’t have the energy.

 

When I think about trying to,

my body crumbles,

my mind tumbles

and my mouth mumbles:

“No.”

 

I am sorry that I am never around

and that when you need me, I make no sound.

I am sorry that I want to get away

and I promise that it’s not as easy as I portray.

 

Last but not least,

I am sorry that I am not sorry,

because you have to set me free.

I am not some long lost version of yourself.

I have my own hands, feet and mouth.

 

Please try and accept that I am me.

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