Perhaps it is roughly
Saying what God alone could perfectly show –
How selfhood begins with a walking away,
And love is proved in the letting go.
– C Day Lewis
I am sorry that I’m not what you want me to be.
I am sorry that I will never try,
because, you see,
to start with, I don’t have the energy.
When I think about trying to,
my body crumbles,
my mind tumbles
and my mouth mumbles:
I am sorry that I am never around
and that when you need me, I make no sound.
I am sorry that I want to get away
and I promise that it’s not as easy as I portray.
Last but not least,
I am sorry that I am not sorry,
because you have to set me free.
I am not some long lost version of yourself.
I have my own hands, feet and mouth.
Please try and accept that I am me.