Weer en weer

Jy sit in die reën,

verward, verweer en uitgeleef.

Jy klou vas aan die laaste stukkie hoop.

Jy hou aan probeer, weer en weer,

sonder om weg te loop.

 

As die vuur maar net,

net so bloedrooi soos jou oë kon brand.

Dié oë wat ‘n storie vertel

van ongeluk, hartseer en bloed deurgesyferde sand.

As die reën maar net,

net kon opdroog soos jou trane,

wat opgehou het met vloei

na al die storms van al die jare.

 

Jy veg teen die wind en die water.

Jy weet dis nóú wat tel.

Jy hou aan probeer, weer en weer,

want daar is dalk nie ‘n later.

Your words

Don’t say you have never judged someone,

because we all know that’s a lie.

Your words are the trigger to a gun

which made countless people cry.

 

This is a world where no one understands,

so we just hurt each other to accept ourselves.

In a place where the darkness drips from your hands,

you have to be more careful with the comments coming from your mouth.

Vibration

You know that feeling inside your chest when really loud bass music plays. It’s almost like a small, constant vibration. I want to experience that feeling for the rest of my life, because for some reason I think that is what love feels like.

I crave a love so deep it will make the ocean jealous. A love that roars louder than the biggest lion. A love so long and wide that the sky can’t even compare. I want to be picked up and thrown into it before I can grab onto anything to drag along which can just ruin the experience. I want to drown in an endless pool of your scent and your touch and your eyes.

I want to feel the vibrating of your voice and your laughter in my chest for ever more.

Is that too much to ask for?

Regret

There are a lot of things I wish I could tell you now that I didn’t realise before. I wish I told you how your eyes reminded me of sunsets and how your skin so closely resembled milk, it frightened me. I wish I told you that you have one of the best hearts I know and that you pleasantly surprised me every day. I wish I told you that your arms were my safe haven and that you made my life better by just being you.

You see, I wish I told you a lot of things, but mostly I wish I told you that God loves you so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for your sins. The blood of Jesus dripped down his thighs, a violent sunset, so that your soul can be washed white like milk. God is knocking on the door of your heart and He is relentlessly chasing you into all the spaces you are trying to hide, because God’s love is wild for you. God’s hand of safety has always been protecting you, no matter how far off you ambled. I wish I told you that God is craving a relationship with you each and every day and that He will not be like me, for He will never ever give up.

I wish I told you earlier, but I’m telling you now: God loves you!

Rainbow nation

It was Archbishop Desmond Tutu who first coined the term “rainbow nation” in order to describe post-apartheid South Africa. Ever since then the term has stuck. You see the thing about rainbows is that their colours never mix. With a rainbow this is not a problem, but with a country it is an immense struggle which we have been failing to overcome for more than 20 years.

I was born in South Africa and I started critically thinking about the idea of a rainbow nation when I went to France at the age of 17. That’s where I saw what a “Smarties nation” (for the lack of a better name) looks like. Interracial friend groups, – romantic relationships, – families, you name it. When I got back in South Africa though, all I could see was division. It is all I still see.

The problem is: No matter how hard we seem to try, the colours of the rainbow have never mixed, and at this rate, they never will.

Herinnering

Dis nie jou skuld nie

niks nie

selfs as my gedagtes

soos ‘n net is

wat konstant herinneringe van ons vasvang

en dit aan my bewussyn kom hang

kan ek jou steeds nie blameer nie

want niemand kan dit keer nie

en ek wil nie eers probeer nie

want herinneringe is al wat ek oor het.

‘n enkele breukdeel van die geheel

ek mis jou, Michiel.