Obviously I sent you a message, because I’m weak. Not only one message, but a few. I didn’t know what I expected, but I just know that I expected more. All of a sudden it’s as if you turned into someone completely different. I don’t understand how you can be so cold. The thing that really sucks though, is that I understand why you are being this way. To be honest, I just want to push you. Like shove you very hard. Your rationality and reasonableness is killing me slowly. Then again, I can’t even be properly mad at you, because you’re just so right. It’s as if you can see everything crystal clear while I am stumbling half blind on a path I don’t even want to be on. I even have nightmares at night about how I am wearing glasses that make everything blurry and strain my eyes, but for some reason I can’t take them off. I really think God only put you in my life so that I could learn a couple of things from you, but now that I’ve learnt them you’ve been grabbed abruptly off my life journey and I really don’t want to walk the rest of it without you. I guess I just have to get use to it and I pray that one day I will wake up and be able to take the glasses off and understand why it had to hurt so much.
I want nothing more than to send you a message right now. I don’t know why, because I am not even really expecting an answer, but I don’t care. I just want you to know that I am constantly thinking about you. I also can’t help but wonder when the bitterness of your loss will start taking away the smile I get every time my mind entertains thoughts of you. I want to tell you that my day wasn’t too bad and that I am stressing about exams and that I want to have a picnic with you and make you try sushi for the first time. I want to tell you that the amount of time I spent only thinking about hugging you today was definitely unhealthy. I want to tell you that I watched the sunset while I was running on the treadmill and that it was breathtaking. I want to tell you that I sent you a letter today and I have this nagging feeling that it will never reach you. I want to tell you that I am so in love with you and that I do not agree with you at all, but at the same time I don’t want to tell you anything, because I know that will just make everything harder than it already is.
I’ll try my best not to tell you anything ever again.